Our Decision to Use Egg Donation

I have been wanting to write about our decision to go with egg donation for a while now, I just couldn't ever find the right time.  Last night my uncle text me out of the blue.  I actually haven't spoken to him since Christmas.  He said he'd been looking through some pictures and came across some he thought I'd like to have.  This is one of the pictures he text'd to me.  It's a picture of me and my cousin Danny, who tragically died a few years ago.

Danny and my uncle were close, so I know it was a difficult picture for him to see.  It was difficult for me to see too, but for a different reason.  When I saw it I just began to cry.  I've always thought I was such a cute little girl.  As I got older I imagined having a little girl that looked exactly like me.  I imagined looking at her and just smiling and thinking.. you look sooo much like me!  Now I know.. I'll never be able to say that.

When you read "Our Story" it really does seem like moving to egg donation was an easy decision for us.. but it wasn't!  Of course my sweet, loving husband was on board with whatever decision I had made about whether to use an egg donor or not.  It was a much more difficult decision for me!  After trying ivf with my own eggs was a failure, I had to mourn the possibility of seeing myself in my children. I wasn't immediately open to using egg donation.  I had mixed feelings.  I sought counseling about the decision and my concerns.  Most of all.. like I said.. I'll never be able to have a child that looks like me.  What do I say when someone says to me, "Oh your son/daughter looks so much like you!".  "No he/she doesn't... they aren't even genetically mine so you don't even know what you're talking about".  Hmm.. that doesn't seem like a nice response :)  What do I say to my child when they are old enough to realize that they don't have the same blood type that Jeremy and I do?  (We are both A+).  What if they end up having a genetic disorder that my husband and I don't have?  How do I explain that one to them??  One of the best gifts my mom could have ever given me was her creativity.  It is a very, very special gift that I am soooo very grateful to have. It breaks my heart that I have lost the ability to pass that gift on to my child!  And it felt like essentially my husband would be having a child with another woman!  The thought of that really gets my blood boiling! :)  Eventually I agreed to use egg donation.  Through counseling I learned that if someone tells me my child looks like me.. I can graciously thank them and keep it moving!  And honestly.. there are so many children that don't resemble their parents at all.  Heck, I personally know adopted children that look sooo much like their adopted parents!  Jeremy and I learned of books we can buy.. and ways to educate our child about our  egg donation choice.  I couldn't bear the thought of not telling my child and then something happening when they are older and they found out.  I just felt like they would think that we lied to them their whole life.  I didn't want to feel like I was keeping secrets from them.  Everyone in the family would know.. but them.  And the process of selecting an egg donor helped.  We used an egg bank, so literally we looked at pages and pages of donors.  One of my friends was looking through the donors with me and made the comment, this is like a Sears catalog of donors! haha!  We were able to choose donors based on eye color, hair color and texture, height, weight, build, blood type, education level, academic interests, career, hobbies.. and to view baby pictures and a full genetic report of them.  We had the medical history of their siblings and parents and grandparents.  Armed with all of this knowledge helped ease my mind.  Most importantly though, ultimately, if it comes down to the decision of not having children at all.. or having to use egg donation.. I choose egg donation!