2WW

Many of you have been emailing or asking me.. When will you know something?  So I thought I'd give everyone an update.  4 more days of my 2ww.  For those of you that don't know, that means "two week wait".  After a transfer, you have to wait approximately two weeks to take a pregnancy test.  Technically it's 10 days.. but since my 10th day falls on a Sunday, I have to wait an extra day.  Trust me when I say it is the longest wait of a infertile woman's life!!!  After my first transfer I tortured myself.  I constantly searched the internet for anything I could read about symptoms.. failure rates.. success rates.. egg donation.. !!  I had felt implantation cramping for a few days.. but those had stopped.  Finally on day 8 I had tortured myself enough and took a home pregnancy test.  BIG MISTAKE!  It was a Wednesday after work.. I went home and took the test.  Negative.  My heart sank.  I was literally a walking zombie for two days until my scheduled blood test.  I wasn't feeling any pregnancy symptoms anymore.. so I just knew I wasn't pregnant.  Of course everyone else was saying.. well it could be a false negative..  just wait for the blood test.. it could still be positive.  So about 2% of me still had hope that the blood test would be positive.  Then on Friday the official results came back.  Negative.  A second hard kick in the gut.  I knew it.  I knew when I had stopped feeling the symptoms that it meant I wasn't pregnant.  

This time around has been a little different.  About the same time as last time, I started feeling light cramping.  Last time the cramping got severe and very painful, this time it's remained light.  This time around I've felt a lot more nauseated... add bloating and indigestion to that!  I read somewhere that ivf patients feel pregnancy symptoms earlier than a naturally pregnant woman would.  "I read it on the internet.. if it's on the internet it must be true". haha!  I love that commercial!  Any way, it makes sense to me since the embryo is 5/6 days old when they transfer it.  The first time around I thought that if the embryo just implanted that I was home free.  I had no idea that it could be a "dud" and nothing happen after implantation.  So at first, I just wanted to feel implatation symptoms.  Once I felt those, I just wanted to continue to feel pregnancy symptoms.  Those that have struggled with infertility know what I'm talking about.  All day long I say to myself.. just give me a sign you're still there.. give me a cramp.. some nausea.. anything!  If I'm not feeling anything I'm fearful that it's gone.  So I have to be one of the few woman that say.. Thank you God for nausea.. indigestion... bloating.. constipation!  I will be happy and extremely grateful to feel them for another 9 months!  This morning I woke up and immediately felt hungry.  First thing I thought.. thank you God for hunger pains!  My next goal is to achieve a positive pregnancy test.  Then I will just want to hear a heart beat.  Once I hear that heart beat I will say.. I'll feel better after the first trimester.  Much like my last post, it's difficult for infertile women to ever feel at ease or to enjoy their pregnancy.  We are so used to disappointment, we always fear the worst.  So for now I just pray that these symptoms continue and we achieve a positive pregnancy test!  Thank you for all the emails, phone calls and texts with support and well wishes we've received!!