Pregnancy Funk?

I’ve suffered from depression most of my life.  It came as no surprise when the depression deepened during my battle with infertility.  Suffering through infertility could make the happiest person become the saddest.  At the time I don’t think I really realized how much of my depression was directly related to my infertility because there were other aspects of my life that were a struggle.  It wasn’t until I became pregnant that I really realized how much my struggle with infertility affected all of those other aspects of my life that I was unhappy with.  It’s like they say.. When it rains, it pours.  One unhappy area in your life can impact every.other.area!

Have you ever started the day wearing an outfit that you just didn’t feel cute in?  Or have a bad hair day?  It seems like the rest of your day is thrown off or goes downhill because of that one thing.  However, if you put on a new cute outfit and feel beautiful.. you have a fabulous day!  Ladies, am I right?!

Anyway, it clicked with me about a month ago when I told my counselor.. I didn’t realize how much infertility sucked the joy out of my entire life.  In every aspect!  And how I’ve felt that joy back since my pregnancy.  When you say it out loud it makes sense.  Of course when you’re in the situation, it’s harder to see.

However, lately, there will be days though when I just am not feeling the joy.  When nothing seems to go right… when I just want to throw my hands up and say.. I GIVE UP!  When I’m tired mentally and physically of holding everything together.. my job.. keeping the house clean.. cooking dinner.. planning for the baby.. making sure the bills are paid.. etc.  It’s hard going through pregnancy with a dad that doesn’t care to be involved.. and a mother whose life was ended too soon and never got the option.   It’s even harder when the person you lean on the most.. is preoccupied and I’m left to carry the burden alone.  I consider myself a pretty strong person, I’ve had to be.  But there are just times when I wish I didn’t have to be so strong… when I wish I had more family support.  One of the most difficult things I’ve had to come to terms with is that not everybody feels the same way about my pregnancy.  While I try to include everyone in as many aspects of it as possible.. some people just choose to not want to be a part of it.  Honestly, some days I get it.. some days I don’t.  No matter how many times I tell myself to not take it personal.. I still do!   I realize it’s my pregnancy.. so it’s my victory and my joy.  I guess I just feel like my family and people that claim to be my closest friends would want to share that joy with me.  

At any rate, when I come across these times I wonder… Is it a pregnancy funk because of all the hormones.. or is it my depression?